I'm currently on my peak state of physical condition. I have not been so fit before in my life and it's not going down any time yet. I have not been sick for the past few years. I have a stable job and income now so that's going very well. While my health and physical well being is near to the best of my life, my mental condition is plagued by waves of self-loathing and depression.
It's always this time of the year when I get a little bit emotional and I don't understand why I can't seem to get the things I want. Is it the alignment of the stars that made it this way? I know how my mind is structured but I can't seem to escape the overlapping emotions that stack up at random times. Sometimes I feel like I'm a dying star inside, just waiting to supernova anytime or I just want to cringe and hide somewhere safe in a cave, away from the reality of urban life.
I think it started after my grandmother passed away. Previously, every time I visit her, seeing her or talking to her will always put my mind at rest and seemed that every problem can be solved or I have solved the problem myself unknowingly. I totally have no idea how to do that now.
I think I need psychological help. I think the reason for these mental torment is because I have been over-obsessing with things and the only way I can get over it is to find something else to be obsessed about. It's like OCD and I can't help it. Like I keep waiting for my neighbor to come online and chat but he never did, so I felt frustrated because I feel like I am talking to myself. And I have been doing that lately. Nobody replies to me nowadays.
On a side note, my right eyelid had been twitching non stop and ears had been itchy for the past 2 days. I seriously have no idea what's going on.
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