last workout of the year

Christmas 2017

Usually I would be in Japan for Xmas and New Year to avoid the local crowd (and usually flights are cheap over this period) but I was afraid of no-snow, so this year's xmas was the annual meet-up at KL's lovely house on Xmas day itself.

So thankful for this bunch of peeps! We had awesome whole turkey, salami, cheeses and the delicious mulled wine that KL prepared. The log cake was made by Reika's friend who studied at Le Cordon Bleu, super delicious. One of the best blackforest log cake I've had. And we got so many presents hah.

And we sang Christmas carols after, which is our staple. They still sound so nice after so many years haha.

Double chins pic LOL.

Woon gave me this for Xmas and I ABSOLUTE LOVE it. So apt and funny!
The description says: Best known for his fondness for bath time and singing about his rubber duckie, Ernie features his signature red, orange, blue and yellow stripes Perfect for brining out those happy carefree days.

I'm the known alcoholic in the group, together with LJ so....
Sida bought me this gin from this hippie micro distillery in London, they only do small batches of gin. He said it's good but I haven't tried it yet, but I see bergamot and black tea as their special ingredient.
I got the Port from Pear from our Xmas gift exchange, specially from a local winery in South Australia. I think it's my second bottle coz they bought me one the other time. Good for after meal dessert I guess and it's only 375ml, like the ice wine.

Ah and I got my X a present too to protect it. ~$~

My fav bar just had their Xmas drinks, this one's called Xmas spirit and Dom said it feels like he's drinking a Xmas tree haha. I melted at the first sip.

I didn't expect this year's Xmas to be so amazing, time spent with friends in a cosy homely setting with home cooked food and singing carols and thoughtful presents, which is much better than eating out in those restaurants.
Truly the most wonderful time of the year.

Last day of work

Today marks my last day of work in my office and I am officially transferred to another business from next year and then London. Usually I'm not in the Xmas mood but this year's extra coz I received some special gifts.

1. My manager treated me to a truffle beef bowl which I always wanted to try
2. Department Xmas lunch at overeasy

3. Starbucks Tumblr from company gift exchange

4. My manager bought me this briefcase for work. So nice! I wouldn't comment on the brand.

5. My Smith Squad goggles. Ready for 2 snow trips next year.

5. Ok this is a Xmas and early birthday gift for myself, and probably the most expensive item I have bought for myself, besides insurance. FINALLY WOOHOO NEW PHONE JUST ARRIVED IN MY MAILBOX!! READY FOR JAPAN!

3 more weeks

The adrenaline of sliding across the powdery snow and the wind on your face
Soaking into the hot outdoor onsen in the cold winter night while snow falls on your head
Slurping udon with a cup of warm sake in a cosy family restaurant
The smell of well marinated BBQ beef and chicken
The warmth of the room while watching the heavy snowfall outside

3 more weeks to my snow pilgrimage and I can't wait. Suginohara with the thick snow.

My bright orange sweet creamy Uni awaits me.

I need to stock up on my Japanese gin. Shikai bought me this limited edition Kinobi Sen no Suzu which is only available in Japan but I'm actually looking for Kinotea, which has a tea after-taste, also limited edition. I already have a bottle of Yuzugin, Kinobi and Roku gin. There are so many good Japanese Gin now I can't wait to go into Shinanoya and buy everything. Bombay Sapphire is for noobs now.

And also, I need to stock up on my daily necessities to prepare for London. Shiseido men facial cleanser and moisturiser, SPF50 sunscreen, eye drops, masks, hair stuff, whatever.

Luckily I have 2 Japan snow trips next year to fully enjoy Japan before London comes.
Japanese food ban for 3 weeks!!!

A distraction in detail

Me: Pic of Carl's Jr I had on Sunday

SS: So fat already still eat so much ah
-Seriously? After so long? What does he want? Hmm maybe he's back and wants to re-connect over lunch or something, which I don't mind since he's been away for so long and I think we can be friends. What happened to Mel?

Me: Go n tell that to Mel

SS: Pic of ring in finger
SS: But I'm engaged to Kim
-Really. My eyes were doing Olympic-winning gymnastics in my sockets.
Firstly, that is one ugly ring I don't care if it's cartier. Secondly, it doesn't fit your finger. Thirdly, you only knew him for a few weeks and you are engaged? Forth, why are you telling me? Fifth, who the hell would text somebody who ignored you for months the moment you are engaged?! Unless you can't get over it. And I’m only interested if it’s Kim...... Jong Un.

SS: pic of some drunk guy learning on a dirty wall with graffiti
-That pic is seriously gross, the wall looks dirty and filled with pee and his face is on the wall?? Are you trying to show me that you are engaged to somebody with hygiene issues? I have totally no interest in this person so stop sending me things.

Me: Are you drunk texting me?

SS: pic of some person
-Argh again? Who cares? And what happened to your eyes? What happened to your taste?
SS: Yep I met someone whom I truly love. Hope you can find ur love too.
- Ok good for you, I have to pretend I am interested in the topic but it's difficult coz my interest is now negative level and I don't want to know, I don't care but I have to reply out of courtesy.

Me: Ok good. Thank you.

SS: Don't hate on me cos I'm attractive
-Wow REALLY. Thanks for reminding me how shameless you are. Your skin is much thicker than a rhino's. I "hate on you" because you are self-obsessed and ridiculously delusional. What point are you trying to make? What are you trying to do? Make me detest you more?
And this reminds me of this lady:

Me: Then why are you texting me

SS: Bored
-No, because you don't have friends.

Me: Bye and stop drunk texting me

I contemplated blocking SS but I'm not that kind of person. When you block somebody you know that means he had struck a nerve and you cared, and your mind would keep thinking that you have blocked him and you will always see him on your block list. I don't want to see anyone on any list unless I'm really really annoyed. I'm just plain lazy to waste any effort, and you know, what for?

I have to document what I really felt at the point of time coz I might forget. This is too eye rolling for me. Like serious, if he's really sincere in connecting I don't mind but this? Really? It’s just plain turn off and worsen my impression of him as a person. I'm so glad I don't have to deal with this shit, tricks and lies.

A distraction

This morning I got a pretty peculiar text. I guess he's drunk texting because he's the same self-obsessed and delusional but what I was really thinking:
1. Major eye roll
2. Good for you but I'm not interested/I don't care/I don't want to know
Seriously. Look, if you want to reconnect do it in a more normal way, if not I have zero interest in whatever ridiculous shit you were trying to do.

But hey at least it distracted me from recent events for the last 2 weeks.
Things should be better now that they are travelling in Australia and I'll be away for 2 months.

growing more emotional

I'm the dramatic one. All this time I realised, I am not able to act normal anymore.
I don't know how to turn off this emotional floodgate.
I used to know how to control my emotions pretty well a few years back.
Did it come with age? Do people get more emotional when they grow old? Or do their hearts harden?

I need to focus on other things.

Mild depression

I'm losing my motivation to gym

I'm losing my appetite

I'm losing interest in most things

I lost focus at work

I keep thinking about negative things

I think I have a mild depression.

Sorry and forget

Sorry for tempting in the first place

Sorry for playing with fire and getting burnt

Sorry for the spark

Sorry for letting things happen

Sorry for not stopping

Sorry for thinking too much

Sorry for accidentally falling

Sorry for being a bitch

Sorry for replaying the scene over and over again

Sorry for not being able to forget

Sorry for not being able to think it's nothing

Sorry for being a little dramatic

Sorry for feeling guilty

Sorry for thinking it's possible

Sorry for everything

I need to forget this ever happened and I need to.

I did right by you
I did wrong by me
Why am I the one suffering?

emotional waterfall

I need some time to clear my head.

My logical mind tells me there's nothing and I should move on. I had been playing with fire and I'm burnt by it. It's already made clear and nobody's thinking about it except me.

My emotional mind is stuck in this eternal loop of depression I can't escape. It got better but I'm drowning again. I suspect I'm addicted to this. I have been too emotional and dramatic.

當時提不起 那段沉痛的感情 後來輕如話語
再鱗傷遍體 也像瘀青會淡去忘記

當時禁不起 你我情緒的暴雨 後來美如一場風景
是年紀的筆 不知不覺地改寫自己

3 seconds

3 December

3am

3 seconds

The most intense 3 seconds in a while.

Once the line is crossed, things will not be the same anymore.