Neab's here, party

Neab is coming tomorrow!

So happy he's gonna be here this weekend, it's gonna be a really busy weekend.

IMN

I've been playing with my right thumb nail a lot lately - something's bothering me a lot.

Current playlist: Adele Live at Royal Albert Hall 2011
Current show: Big Little Lies

Do you like the person or do actually you like your memory of the person?

Reverting back to 27

During this social seclusion I found myself reverting back to my 27yo self.

I am just enjoying my life right now. 

I have no need for all the social media stuff, no need to get to know more people, reading books and comics everyday, building my gundams during the weekends and watching shows. I'm contented with what I have right now and don't need for new stuff.

I just continue to do what I do, my sleeping routine, my facial routine, my gym routine, my weekend routine and I think I have excessive clothes and other items in my room that I need to clear week by week until I get my own place.

Neab is coming next weekend so I gotta haul my ass out of my room and bring him around on Sat and Sun. Glad to have him around, we've got so much to catch up. Just nice I'm planning a trip to BKK next month just to get away for a while. 

social seclusion

This one week of social seclusion did good for me.

I managed to clear a lot of free time to do physical stuff instead of spending time in the virtual world of social media. I realised I do not need social media at all, I've changed my ig profile to "on hiatus" and won't be posting anything anytime soon. Honestly I regret the hours I have spent checking out other people's ig on my phone, such a waste of my time and battery life. I have better things to do.

I used to think how Cindy can live without fb, ig or whatsoever, then I realised I can as well. It's better to focus on things in front of me, and I don't have the fear of missing out anymore.

Unexpectedly, friends texting me out of the blue to chat, but of course I have to go to ig to find memes sometimes, although sometimes I only want to chat with certain people. Quality > Quantity.

My attention span got longer as well. Without the constant unnecessary information feed, I could think properly and converse properly without having interruptive thoughts and be more realistic. I only need the necessary things. There's full of unnecessary content in IG seriously.

I think I've changed. I'm more contented with what I have now and I'm beginning to let go of my belongings easier, Marie Kondo style. Letting go of people is difficult, I have to divert my attention to my short term targets while waiting for things to happen, or some things might not happen at all.

All my emotions just come back when I drink -_- It's super bad. I'm beginning to drink gin neat.

Off the social grid

It's really hard for me to separate emotions and intimacy so I'm staying off the social grid for now. I deleted some apps and minimizing Instagram and other social media for a few weeks. I'll be gone in the cold.

I'm saying goodbye to social life and will be putting my mind to these:

1. Finish building my gundams

2. Declutter and clean my room, including my cupboard. I target to throw one cupboard away to make space for a bigger bed. I hope it's possible. It's time to get rid of a lot of things

3. Sell my stuff away, including Beck's stuff and my violin

4. Plan my next holiday

5. Improve my fitness level for the next IPPT

I'm not ok now but I hope I will be after this.

Nic

I couldn't sleep last night. Nic texted me on Thursday afternoon and I have been pondering ever since and listening to Adele after work to take my mind off things. It lasted the whole night. The news and song churning in my mind, mixed with the thunderstorm outside my room at 2am.

This episode has taught me many lessons:

1. If there is a good opportunity or catch, don't lose it. Reserve it. 
2. Do not be passive, calculated risks should be taken when the time is right
3. Just be kind and humble, sometimes accept things for who/what they are
4. Do not assume things, clear things up, communicate
5. Have an open mind

Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements, even if it leads nowhere?
There is always a loser in the game. Neab has been a really good adviser. I sent him the messages and he could tell me what I am going to do doesn't change things, at least just keep it first and give it some time. At least stay status quo for the time being. It has been a whirlwind.

How to deal with emotions:

1. Have a timeline
2. Plan to improve yourself within that timeline to get ready
3. When opportunity comes, strike. Or rather you might not need to strike at all because you don't need the opportunity anymore