The funeral

The last time I was part of a funeral was the death of my grandfather 20 years ago. The only things I remember are the soft drinks, the curry chicken, burning the incense paper for 24 hours and crying very badly.

We were already mentally prepared to let her go because she has been suffering for so long. That's why I already knew to make every visit at the hospital the last time I would see her alive. The morning I received the message, I went to the washroom to let it all out. It was the first time in so many years that I cried so hard. The second time happened after her body came back and we had to go one round to see her body before the coffin was nailed. I was the last person so I went behind to let the tears flow to ensure nothing falls on her.

The wake lasted 5 days 4 nights, today, the last day was the cremation.
The first night was almost empty, and the 4 cousins stayed overnight to fold and burn incense papers. It was a good family gathering. I caught some sleep in the morning before heading down again. The second night was almost full and there were food. My manager V came with her husband and some money from my company. I really appreciated that even though I didn't work for very long. I stayed till 4 am with people playing mahjong. The third night Sida came and I stayed till 2am because I was so tired. The forth night LJ came down and there were some rituals and burning of house. I stayed till 7am before my father took over.

Today was the cremation at Mandai after a long ritual. The third time I cried so hard was on the way back because I just had to let it go. Life is a fresh new page now without ah ma.

Ah Ma holds a special place in my heart because she had been my motivation and consideration for many things. I am sad that she is gone, but at the same time happy that she's in a better place now, relieved of her pain and suffering.